(Un) Lovable - A Poem

 

Unlovable

I feel so ugly from all the pain

I feel unlovable from the weight I’ve gained,

I feel ashamed from all the abuse

From being lied to, about and used

Discarded, unwanted, left to die,

I feel so little of me left inside

My spark has gone, I’m tired of life

Of the struggle, the torment, the fear, the strife,

Of walking alone, my needs unmet,

Struggling to love myself, feeling dirty, unkempt

All I wanted was kindness and love,

But if I can’t give it to myself

Then what am I worth?

My darkest thoughts would take me away,

To not have to endure yet another day,

Of sickness, of loneliness, of pain, of despair 

I held onto a love, that wasn’t really there,

A fantasy, or delusion, it kept me alive,

But without it I ask myself, what’s the point? Why?

But if I dig deeper, past the hurt and the pain,

A glimmer of hope, to live life again, 

To find my joy, in the smallest of things,

To greet each morning with thanks, is where I’ll begin,

Build up my moments where I can appreciate 

Find things to love instead of focused on hate,

Validate my feelings, accept who I am,

Surrender to love and my divine plan,

Maybe I’ll find love when I let it find me,

Open to the unexpected, embrace the mystery,

Allow myself to grieve, for this too shall pass

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll know love at last. 

~ Rebecca Huggins ©️ 2023